Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected. – Jimmy Cannon

So I spent all of Thanksgiving alone. Completely alone. And it really affected me much more than I thought. Everything here is so different than I anticipated. I knew I would be away from my friends and family. I know I made that choice. But I thought I would make new friends, create my own family. And nothing of the sort has happened. And I do not really know how to make it happen.

Black Friday was insane. I had a slight melt down where I locked myself in my office for 30 minutes and cried. Not to mention I was awake at 3:15 in the morning and worked a 13 hour shift, but I had horrible rude customers all day long screaming at me. I do not understand what is wrong with people. I do not understand what is wrong with our society. It makes me sick. And it makes me actively think about how I treat strangers, and even those not strangers, I interact with day to day. I made a promise to myself to never make some feel the way those awful people make me feel.

Since then things have gotten a little better here and there, small successes throughout the day. But December looks grim. From tomorrow, December 1^st, until Christmas day, I have 3 days off (and one of them is not Christmas Eve). I am trying to stay positive, but I just feel like there is no way it will not completely suck. Especially with the type of customers we have coming in lately. All I can pray for is that it will go by fast and I can go back to a somewhat normal life.

But I think what kills me the most is that I have nothing to look forward to. No one to lean on. So instead I will bitch to my blog audience that probably does not even really exist.

On the upside, I really do enjoy the Holidays- even if I have no one to enjoy them with. I decided I am going to get a mini Christmas tree to put on my counter top and decorate for myself! I especially love watching all the classic holiday clay-mation cartoons.

Today was one of the last days off I am going to have in a while. When I first moved here I stumbled upon this little used book store in Apex, NC. Apex is the most adorable town I have ever seen. It is literally like an old movie; with a little downtown main street with mom and pop shops on it. I have toyed with the idea of moving there once my lease is up here. So I went back to my book store today and got some new books to read. I have decided that this will be my new go to place when I am feeling down. It makes me feel like I am in a movie with the cute small town book shop that I sit at and drink coffee, where everyone knows your name (Is it weird that I am always picturing my life as a movie?) When your life is making you sad, there is nothing better than getting lost in someone else’s to make you feel better!

I also went and saw a movie by myself for the first time a few days ago. I think it is funny that I felt so weird about this; a movie is such a solitary thing- to sit in the dark in silence, yet I still felt so taboo doing it. However, I found the experience to be kind of empowering. I can go do things by myself and not keep myself from doing them because I cannot find someone to go with me. It was a weird realization for me. Another Big Girl moment.

There are many things in December that I am looking forward to. On Saturday, Raleigh is doing their Christmas tree lighting down town. This apparently is a big shin-dig and I am very excited for it. Pictures of this event from last year were one of the things that honestly made me want to move to Raleigh in the first place. And Sunday my mother has signed me up for some snow sledding thing.  I am not sure what it will be but it should be cool (Literally!) Also, they set up a real ice rink outside down town! With REAL ice, not the plastic stuff we pretend is ice rinks in Florida. Camo Man will be coming up after Christmas and we are going to go skating and have a Serendipity moment! That has me really excited.

I think I am really sad that I see my life changing. Traditions that I have had my whole life are dissipating before my eyes. And as sad as that is, that is why I am here. That is what growing up is all about right? My family called me from Florida on Thanksgiving, and one of my cousins said something spot on, he said “We are all sad you aren’t here, but you do what you gotta do, we’ll always be here.” And I guess that is how it has to be from now on. For me to get what I want out of life, this is what I have to go through. And even writing about it now makes me feel better. It makes it a little bit okay.

This is my life. I chose to not take the easy route, and this is what I have given myself. And this is what I am going to do. I am no quitter, and I am going to get exactly what I want- Success. I am going to be a Big Girl.

But I still miss you all.


Love Always,

Elle

Love Never Fails.

I know it has been such a long time since I wrote! So much has been happening lately.

Two weeks ago I officially finished my training. I had to present a big PowerPoint to all the executives in my store, including my store manager, and then the District Vice President came as well as the District HR director! It was a really big deal to have them come to my store just for me. I thought it went really well, hopefully they think so too! Then later on the day of my presentation, the store manager called a meeting, and when I walked into the office it was really a surprise party for me! Everyone had gotten me a cake and we all sat around for a little while just having fun, which is the first time that has ever happened on the clock! It was so nice of them and really made me feel like a part of the team for the first time.

Then, on the same day all of this happened I left work and went straight to the airport to fly to Florida for my vacation. It was so amazing and I wish I could still be there! I got to spend some time with my Daddy in Jacksonville, went shopping, saw the rest of my family, went to the beautiful Florida beaches and visited some of my favorite bars and such. Then later in the week Camo Man came and picked me up and I went to Tallahassee, Home of the Seminoles!  We went hunting, we went out to the gun range –which was a lot of fun even though I am pretty sure I still have a bruise. Then I got to meet up with one of my favorite little girls I used to coach! And he, being the most wonderful thing, had all my friends from Tallahassee surprise me for my birthday dinner! We had dinner, he baked me a cake, and then we went out to the bar to celebrate. It turned into one of those crazy Tallahassee nights that I miss so bad. Finally, I went and watched the Seminoles win an awesome football game, and got my private birthday dinner with my man! So I guess I really am 23 now, despite how much I try to deny it.

Where did all the time go??

It is insane how fast everything happens. And I hate it. College flew by far too quickly, and now I have already been in Raleigh for 3 months!? It blows my mind. Like I cannot compute it.

Thinking about that makes me feel like I have not utilized my time here. I am going to try to start making more of my time off; instead of just sleeping and going to work. I hope to explore more. I hope to meet some people and actually make a friend. A real one. At least one. It’s hard being in a city alone.

So when I got back from my vacation I switched departments since my training program is officially over. I am now in charge of handbags, accessories, fashion watches and fashion jewelry. I do not know what my store manager was thinking; sticking me down there to stare at Michael Kors all day long. But thus far (3 days in) I really do enjoy it and it think it will be a good department for me. The associates down there are a lot of fun. And so the holidays are beginning (Can you believe it is almost Thanksgiving?!) and also begins our 6-day work weeks. I have officially 5 days off for the entire month of December. It is going to be crazy, but hopefully, well worth it. I know it going to be the hardest being here alone during the holiday time.

But that is what being a Big Girl is all about right? It is all a part of growing up. But I still find myself wishing I was in college again. I think one day I will get over the feeling that this is all just some summer job and I am going back to class soon. But then again, I kind of hope I never do.

I am always trying to picture my life, but the picture is always changing. I could see myself going in so many different directions! There are so many possibilities! And I feel so lucky to have these possibilities in front of me, where others do not. It’s like a good reality TV show (not the horrible ones like Teen Mom) where I just have to watch what happens next! I am just livin’ this Big Girl life one day at a time.

Love always,

Elle

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" -Albus Dumbledore (the smartest man I know)

So everyone came up last weekend and it was amazing! I cannot believe how much we crammed into two days. It is kind of sad that I did more in those two days that I have done in the two months I have lived here. While I had so much fun with them, it did make me realize how lonely I have been and how much I miss home!
First we went to the FSU v Duke football game that was up here in Durham. It made me so happy to see so many Noles! Plus we won so that is always nice. It was a lot of fun and they had set up a very nice tailgate for us. Then that night we went to a corn maze that also had all these different haunted houses at it. They had a haunted hayride which was my favorite, and then we ran around in the corn for a while. I saw a shooting star while we were out in the woods it was beautiful! That is definitely something I could have never done in Florida! It was nice and chilly; we got to hang around a bonfire with hot chocolate! I liked it a lot. Then the next day we went to the North Carolina state fair. It was so fun! I ended up getting some really great pictures too- so many beautiful colors at fairs!

Then after everyone left me, I flew to Miami for the day. While I still do think it was a complete waste, it did not suck as much as I thought it would. It is always good to see my peers and it was good to have a change of pace. Also, since I worked 18 hours in one day, I have had the past two days off. A little weekend in the middle of the week!

I have spent a lot of the past two days in a very strange mood. Memories from my past keep finding me in the craziest of ways (like me finding my old canon rebel that I have not picked up in 5 years with a half used roll of film in it!) and I have spent the majority of my time off reflecting on these things because I cannot seem to get away from them. I really hope that the past does not repeat itself again and that I can break this cycle and find myself in a better place. I have been feeling this change happening, as I have mentioned on here before, and I just hope that it does not revert back. “Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” –Carrie Bradshaw.

I have also spent my days off painting recently. And taking pictures (finding my old rebel motivated me). It seems I have become inspired in my new place.

So tomorrow I will go back to work for the first time in what seems like a very long time. I am excited though. I planned a fit event for my girls next week, where some vendors are going to come in and give them tips on bra fittings and working with customers. I am excited for this, especially since I planned it. I am going to make rum cupcakes for it! I will share with yall how they go!

I also just booked my flight to Florida for my upcoming vacation! So I get to spend my 23^rd birthday with all my favorite people back home! It will be my one last hoorah before the crazy retail holiday season begins!

My loneliness has been hitting me more lately. After having everyone up here and having such a good time, then spending the day mostly alone in an airport, and now having the past two days off alone with old memories haunting me; I have definitely been going through many different emotions, having nothing to do but think. My HR manager was asking me if I wanted to move back to Florida when I get my new assignment in a few months. And while I absolutely do, I know I can’t. I can’t give up on myself like that. I feel like moving back, would just be giving up. Proving everyone right- that it was a stupid idea to move up here. And I refuse to. I know at some point I will probably move back, I want to raise my children around my family and what not. But for right now, I cannot give up. I will not give up. And I know I will be a better person because of it. I know it will make me a Big Girl J


Love always,

Elle

“You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” –Steve Jobs RIP

The past two weeks have been a complete blur! I guess I am getting use to my hectic schedule because my work days seem to be flying by; instead of counting the minutes before the end of the day. Or maybe this means I am truly beginning to learn everything I have to do, and thus have more things to add to my schedule. I think it is a mixture of both, and either way it is exciting!

This upcoming week is going to be filled with even more craziness! On Thursday we have the entire corporate team coming to our store! I cannot wait to be a part of it (I have a very professional outfit ready!) Then next Tuesday, a week from today, I am being flown to Miami for the DAY! How crazy is that! No big deal, we’ll just fly you across the country for the day…

In my previous post I expressed my anxiety with being “in-charge”. I have since found it much easier than I thought. All of my people have actually responded really well to me and are great to work with! I am happy about the relationships I am making with them and the progress that has been made in my Intimate Apparel department! I guess I need to give people a little more credit and stop expecting the worst. “I will always be the girl who thinks no one will show up to her party,” –Rachel Zoe. That is so entirely me though, and probably always will be.

While being a Big Girl has its advantages, I feel recently the disadvantages keep hitting me in the face. It is nice to have a big fat paycheck, and makes it hurt that much more watching it all diminish before my eyes! I just had to enroll for my health benefits- it feels so weird to be on my own plan by myself now (HOW ADULT of me!) Not to mention the chunk it takes out each week. Furthermore, my 6-month grace period for my student loans is up at the end of this month. That’s another 10k out of my pocket. I am starting to miss college.

On a more upbeat note, Camo man and my pretty friends are coming up to Raleigh this weekend! I have the weekend off and we are filling it with all sorts of fun fall festivities (try to say that 5 times fast). One of the things on the schedule I am excited about is going to a haunted corn maze- how North Carolinian of me right? Corn does not exactly grow well in Florida! Not to mention getting to watch my SEMINOLES play! I have been setting up my house and getting everything ready for them to come! I feel so Betty Crocker.

Also today I finalized my vacation. I get 9 entire days off for my birthday and I am flying home to FLORIDA! I am very excited about this! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful job straight out of college. I have been there less than 2 months and I have 2 weeks of  vacation to take! Not to mention full benefits. I know I am truly blessed to have this opportunity and am so appreciative of it.

I have been thinking a lot about my future; with my career, with my life, with everything. I have big plans and big dreams! It is nice to feel them all beginning to come true. And that is exactly what this moment is: THE BEGINNING.

I have always been the kind of person who is always looking to the next step. Always wants more.

But I think for right now, I just need to stop and enjoy the beautiful life.

My beautiful life.

Love always,

Elle

What do you want to be FAMOUS for??

So last week the Big Red Box swept me away to Miami for the week for training. I found out today I will be returning in three weeks for more. A perk of big corporate companies is they don’t mind flying you all over the place all the time. It was a great week; and it was even greater to be back in my home state!

At the training I met a bunch of other people throughout the states who are going through the same program I am. To me that was the best part; it made me feel less crazy and less like something is wrong with me for questioning myself so much.

At the training we spent a lot of time on how to work with people- which I now have to go implement my new managerial and leadership skills with the people who work in my department. To me this is the hardest (and most important) part of my job. I have a hard time giving criticism, despite how constructive, to others in the work place. I think the problem is I take everything personal, so I just assume everyone else does too. Especially when every single one of the people in my department are at least ten years my elder. I am really trying to find my own way of being assertive, without coming off as some smartass know-it-all college grad.

Today, I went to some of our main offices here in The City of Oaks to meet with some of the big wigs! I always find this very inspiring. I find it especially inspiring that my store manager, district vice president, and regional vice president are all women. I am so glad I am growing up in an era where women can be so powerful and am thankful for those you fought to break down those barriers so that I never have to experience them. Talking to such powerful women always empowers me and gives me a confidence jolt. I think anyone could take a note to have people like that be a part of their careers.

On a more personal note, I feel like I am truly beginning to find myself. I always found that phrase so odd; how could you not know yourself? But now, I see myself changing in many ways. It is all a very weird thing for me. I find the best way to describe this change is through small examples- things like how I now spend my nights watching Jeopardy. Or actively cooking healthy dinners for myself instead of going to Taco Bell three times a day.

 I have suddenly become much more health conscious- both on a personal level and a global level. While I do tend to go through a healthy/I am going to lose weight phase every few months- this feels different. I am currently working on getting the mall I work in to start a recycling program (isn’t it ridiculous that such a giant place does not have one already?) I would have never really given much thought to that before. I almost feel like I am reverting back to my high school hippie self (minus skipping school to smoke pot in the alley.) My personal style is changing too, but I feel this is becoming much more internal than that. Living alone, and being in this big new (wonderful) city all alone, certainly strips away all the outside “peer pressures” (I hate that term, but it is effective.) I have had a lot of time, mostly unknowingly so, to self-reflect. I find I am becoming much more self-aware (which my district HR manager affirmed today, as well) and I like what I am seeing.

Maybe it will fade, or maybe this is who I was always meant to be.

Maybe this is what being a Big Girl is all about.

Love always,

Elle

The distance is but a map, and our hearts lead the way.

So tomorrow marks my two week anniversary of working at The Big Red Box. I still have yet to get my feet planted and take time to stop and enjoy the scenery (although I am enjoying my discount).  Everything happens so fast. They already send me out on the floor alone, putting me in charge of everything happening at the store! It has very much been a learning by trial and error time for me, and yet I feel like I am prevailing at it. I love the fast pace intensity of it. And the feeling of power gained by controlling a 20 million dollar door is quite enticing, I must admit.

Next Monday I am jet-setting off to Miami for a week. I am very excited about the change of pace, yet I know all it will do is rub in my face the fact that I am not a Floridian on the beach anymore.

On a more personal note, I do feel like I am beginning to settle into Raleigh. I am slowly figuring my way around, and using GPS less and less. It is really a great city; the perfect mix of a big city (less being scared for your life walking around) and a southern town. Not mention is it beautiful!

This weekend my Camo Man came up and it was wonderful! We went on pedal boats in Bond Lake and I finally got to reenact the Ten-Things-I-Hate-About-You moment I have been dreaming of since the 90’s. Then we went to a music festival downtown called Hopscotch. I felt like I was a part of a movie sitting at an outside table at this yuppie bar, drinking a Strongbow (how English of me) and listening to indie music with thousands of my closest Trianglers. The fest brought out such an alive, young and alternative crowd. Like I said- the perfect city. If I end up staying in Raleigh long, I have already picked out my chic downtown condo overlooking Nash Square. I will be that girl walking down the street in her killer MK jacket and stiletto boots going to the grocery store, because downtown people are too cool to drive.

Furthermore, I have started trying to better myself by doing this like eating non-fat yogurt, drinking white tea every morning and burning my beloved scented candles more. Hopefully these things will lead to me doing more things, like enjoying jogging, or waking up before noon on my days off. Being alone leaves lots of time for self improvement. I have also decided to start a black-and-white romance and am beginning to write love letters, REAL letters, with a pen and paper, written by hand, to Camo Man. You can just call me Scarlett O’Hara. I believe there is something to be said about the lost art of pen pal lovers.

On a downside, I did throw a fast-ball cell phone at the wall this afternoon in a fit of frustration, and am now stuck with an old sidekick from high school I found in my closet. Four buttons are missing and it has to be connected to the charger to stay alive; much less can I check my email, blog, facebook, GPS or anything else that needs an internet connection. I will be stuck in 2004 approximately until Tuesday when my new touch screen arrives.

This is my life as is it today. In this very moment.
It changes every moment.

Some people may label me an adult now. Sometimes I like to fancy the idea of being a big girl myself. But at heart, I will always be just ME. Every age, every thought, every person. I am in you, and you are in me too.

Love Always,

Elle

"She took the leap & built her wings on the way down"

I finally started my dream job. I feel like I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. All of my hard work, all of my life, has accumulated to this point. This is what everyone works for; this is what everyone wants. We go to school for 17 years (I personally went for 19 since I started school when I was three years old attending two different pre-ks because I wanted to go to school so badly)- and this is it. THIS IS IT! This is the start of my life.

So far everything has been such a whirl wind I have not even had time to stop and catch my breath. My first day was filled with meetings with the “big wigs,” as they called them in the offices, on conference calls from New York and live meetings with other very important people, all of which I found extremely inspiring; especially the fact that my mentor, my store manager and the vice president of the entire district are all powerful women! Everyone has been so incredibly welcoming, I feel like I’m walking into a giant family.

Then on my second day of the job they sent me off two hours away to a huge rally celebrating the stores and preparing for the holiday season. I met executives from stores all over the south at a day filled with cheers (I literally had to get onstage and do a cheer…), charities (everyone donated money to wear jeans instead of business wear and we rose over $500 for United Way) and many many inspiring messages. It almost made me feel like I was back home with my sorority sisters, who I miss dearly, tons of energy doing cheers and skits and philanthropies.

I am living my dream, and as much as I love it, it is absolutely terrifying. I’m so scared of screwing things up, after I have come so far. For a girl who is use to rolling out of bed, putting on running shorts and pulling her hair into a ponytail to go work at a gym, waking up hours before work to make myself look presentable and be the fashion-forward charismatic girl I want to be, is incredibly exhausting.

The beloved Carrie Bradshaw said it best with “I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.” That fits me to a T. I just hope I can keep up the image I have started and do not get too lazy.

I am excited to get to the point where I can finally feel like I am no longer being interviewed with every action and interaction, and that I actually deserve to be there. I think that is when I will really start to find myself and truly shine like the star I am. Granted, it has only been three days. J

More to come…

Love Always,

Elle

The City of Oaks

So I got to The City of Oaks safe and sound, finally got all settled in, and now…. I am completely bored out of my mind.

 I do not start my new fabulous job for a-whole-nother week and I have absolutely nothing to do. As badly as I want to be that fearless and inspiring woman; going around turning the city upside down, I am not.

On my list of Raleigh things to do is:

-          Raleigh free yoga downtown

-          More museums (I already visited the NC Natural Science Museum, it was wonderful, and the best part is they are all free!)

-          Attend the North Carolina ballet

-          Start a running regime through all the beautiful greenways in this city

-          Get tan at my fab new pool

-          Get a new library card and Read!

Instead of doing all of these fabulous healthy and cultural things, I have successfully caught up on every TV series you could possibly imagine.

Camo man stayed with me for the first week and it was great. He helped me hang everything like the big man he is; I must say I am very proud of my new room. I started something I am very happy about and I think everyone should indulge in. I call it the “Love Board.” I am very big on inspiring quotes or pictures or anything that just makes life better. I used to put everything in my planner or another little book I have, but they have begun overflowing, so I bought a 2 x 3 board and am filling it with all things that make me smile. It is a fun little project and something I think all can enjoy.

It has really helped me through the long lonely days recently. I for some reason have lost any motivation to do things. It has made me realize I am much needier than I ever thought. I have had trouble spending so much time alone, but like a double edged sword, I have trouble going out and doing things alone. How am I supposed to meet people? I am not going to go to a bar or concert or some other fun thing alone. Maybe that is what being a Big Girl is all about. While I have found it hard, I know it will get better, and that I will be a better person because of it.

One thing I have been doing, instead of my list of exercising, is cooking. One of my favorite simple and quick recipes is a pasta salad I love, so I thought I would share it for all the other fabulous young people leaving their comfortable lives behind, searching for their big break.

Elle’s Pasta Salad

Ingredients

-          Garden pasta (I personally use the Garden Rotini pasta, but any kind of pasta is fine. I like the “garden” pastas because they come from vegetables and is not just carbs!)

-          Red Wine Vinaigrette

-          Feta Cheese

-          Tomatoes (I use little cherry tomatoes, I find them sweeter and easier to cut, but regular ones are fine too)

-          Garlic (ground or you can cut fresh garlic yourself)

Directions

-          Cook the pasta until soft and fluffy

-          When straining run cold water over it to help cool

-          Add Red Wine Vinaigrette first

-          Add feta, tomatoes and garlic

-          Refrigerate for at least half an hour

-     ENJOY! :)

(Note: with all ingredients you can add as much as you see fit, depending on what you like more. Personally I add more feta and less garlic. Just make sure you put enough Red Wine Vinaigrette that you taste it strongly when you first add it because once you refrigerate it the flavor will subside as the pasta soaks it up.)

So Colorful!!

My favorite part is that it stays good forever, you can refrigerate it for days and it will still taste as good as if you just made it! The perfect thing to take to work and eat on a break!

I guess that is all for now. I cannot wait to start my job next week and have some crazy chic story to tell!

I will leave you with a quote from the love board that I find suiting right now, and it is straight from the ultimate fashionista herself:

                “Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” –Carrie Bradshaw

Love Always,

Elle

Editor's Note: Upon writing this, I had my first alone encounter with a Raleigh roach. It was absolutely terrifying. I may pass out from how much bug spray is all over my walls now.

Home is Where the Heart is...

So I am sitting in my father’s humble but cozy house just a short bike’s ride away from the world renowned Florida beaches. Every time I come here I wonder why I dare to leave. It always gives me a reality check.

My father lives with no telephone, no cable, no internet- not even a computer in the house (I am bootlegging the neighbors wifi with my laptop to post this). The only reason the man has a cell phone is because his company forced him to. Being here always makes me rethink what I want in life. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be some high profile, ridiculously successful CEO, walking around in my fabulously fashionable tweed skirt suits and stilettos with red heels, in the style of Louis the XIV himself. But then this other huge part of me wants something entirely opposite. There are so many different lives I want to live; how can I converge them all?

How fun would it be to live on the beach like this without a care in the world? Where a bike suffices for everything you could possibly need. But is that actually reality? Could I be successful and be able to live a life like this? Everyone here seems to be an old hippie burn-out. While I do believe I could take a lesson from the stoners in the matter of relaxation, I think having some care in life is necessary.

But I am finding myself questioning everything I am doing; moving across the country to where I know nothing and no one. I always knew this would be the hard part. But at the same time this is exactly what I have always wanted.

Leaving Tallahassee felt surreal. I was surprisingly unemotional saying goodbye to my friends. Maybe that is because I was so hung over from the celebratory night before I could feel no emotion.  I was feeling sad when I was close to my way out, until about 100 yards from the highway some ginger rear-ended me at a redlight! That overshadowed any other feelings I was having at the moment. What a way to go out in style.

I think, more than anything, right now I am feeling two major emotions.

Mostly, I am just anxious. While I enjoy home and will miss it, I do not enjoy driving around for a week with my entire life stuffed into my tiny little mustang. I also hate goodbyes. More than anything I just want to get to North Carolina and get settled in. But I do think then it will inevitably hit me and at some point, after I have hung all the pictures of my past life on the walls in my new city, I am going to stare and them and have a sob fest.

Secondly, I am terrified. I think I am more terrified of being alone than anything else. I am not good at making friends. And I have a terrible time trying to kills bugs on my own.

All in all, I do not know what to do or what I am really feeling- all I know is that I am doing it.

So goodbye beach, goodbye sunshine, goodbye Florida.

Hello snow? Gross. (That is the one thing I am definitely not looking forward to. Hopefully it will end up being the only thing.)

Wish me luck,

Love Always,

Elle

P.S. I miss you already.

Apple Cup Pies!

I have recently discovered my love for turning old favorite recipes into new cup recipes. I think CupPies are so much easier to eat and handle at parties or gatherings; where you do not have to bother cutting pie pieces, yet they taste just as fabulous!

This is a recipe I just used for my family's July 4th gathering. Lots of people asked for the recipe so here it finally is!

Apple Cup Pies
(makes a dozen cuppies)

Ingredients:

• 1 box of pastry; one box usually contains 4 (if you want to make it yourself prepare enough for the size of two regular 9 inch pies)
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon of cinnamon
• 4 Granny Smith apples - peeled, cored and sliced

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Unroll the crust pastry. Find a large cup (I used a large 64 ounce cup) and use the rim of the cup to cut twelve circles in the pastry. Place the circles into the cupcake pan. Cut lattices.
2. Peel, de-core and cut the apples into small pieces, smaller than slices.
3. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste. Add water, white sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon and bring to a boil. Once it turns into a thin liquid, take off the heat and stir the apple pieces into the liquid. Do not waste time doing this because if you wait too long the liquid begins to thicken quickly.
4. Spoon the entire mixture into the cups. Cover with a lattice work crust.
5. Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Continue baking for 10 minutes or until apples are soft and lattice is lightly brown.

I hope everyone enjoys these as much as my family and I did! I have lots more Cups I will keep sharing! Enjoy :)

Love Always,

Elle

P.S. Thanks to the Camo Man for helping make this recipe happen!

My Big Girl Life

So as I am sitting watching an MTV Reality Challenge show, on the eve of my last day at the only job I have had through college, I have many different emotions running through me.

First, I am excited to finally be a Big Girl and take my first leap into the corporate world; working at what I am going to refer to as The Big Red Box. It is the first of many steps in accomplishing my life-long Fashionista dream.  Someday I will be CEO, or own my own boutique, or start a marketing firm and have a reality show- basically it will be amazing whatever I ultimately end up doing. Honestly though, right now, I think I am more excited about decorating my own apartment and shopping in the Target home section with all the new money I am going to be making.

However, I am quite terrified about moving away from my home in the backwoods of Florida, 600 miles away to the big city of Raleigh, North Carolina, where I do not know a single soul. It turned out quite a surprise when my mother also packed up her house and decided to move to Raleigh after I already signed my contract- but family does not count as friends in my book, while it will be nice to know someone.

But mostly, more than the excitement and fear, I am just sad.  I am sad to be leaving my dad back on the Florida beaches, along with my childhood memories. I am sad to be leaving my beloved University, which I have grown to love and take so much pride in these past 4 years. I am sad to be leaving my boyfriend, the Camo Man, and stretch our relationship across four states indefinitely. I am sad to be leaving all my pretty friends whom I have so much fun with. And, as of tomorrow, I am sad to be leaving my job, that while sometimes it is the last place I want to be, it is this best job I have had to date. I can only hope that I enjoy The Big Red Box as much.

So here I sit, staring at the empty shelves on my wall, the smiling faces housed in their frames in boxes, upon the threshold of my new world. I have decided to start this blog for many reasons. First, I thought it would be an easy way for my soon-to-be-distant friends to know what’s happening in my life, and also a way for me to chronicle my own story to “save for later” so to speak. But more than anything else, I think it will serve as a cathartic experiment for me, during my huge transition into my new Big Girl Life.

So I guess it begins now. This is me. And this is my Big Girl Life.

Love always,

Elle