"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" -Albus Dumbledore (the smartest man I know)

So everyone came up last weekend and it was amazing! I cannot believe how much we crammed into two days. It is kind of sad that I did more in those two days that I have done in the two months I have lived here. While I had so much fun with them, it did make me realize how lonely I have been and how much I miss home!
First we went to the FSU v Duke football game that was up here in Durham. It made me so happy to see so many Noles! Plus we won so that is always nice. It was a lot of fun and they had set up a very nice tailgate for us. Then that night we went to a corn maze that also had all these different haunted houses at it. They had a haunted hayride which was my favorite, and then we ran around in the corn for a while. I saw a shooting star while we were out in the woods it was beautiful! That is definitely something I could have never done in Florida! It was nice and chilly; we got to hang around a bonfire with hot chocolate! I liked it a lot. Then the next day we went to the North Carolina state fair. It was so fun! I ended up getting some really great pictures too- so many beautiful colors at fairs!

Then after everyone left me, I flew to Miami for the day. While I still do think it was a complete waste, it did not suck as much as I thought it would. It is always good to see my peers and it was good to have a change of pace. Also, since I worked 18 hours in one day, I have had the past two days off. A little weekend in the middle of the week!

I have spent a lot of the past two days in a very strange mood. Memories from my past keep finding me in the craziest of ways (like me finding my old canon rebel that I have not picked up in 5 years with a half used roll of film in it!) and I have spent the majority of my time off reflecting on these things because I cannot seem to get away from them. I really hope that the past does not repeat itself again and that I can break this cycle and find myself in a better place. I have been feeling this change happening, as I have mentioned on here before, and I just hope that it does not revert back. “Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” –Carrie Bradshaw.

I have also spent my days off painting recently. And taking pictures (finding my old rebel motivated me). It seems I have become inspired in my new place.

So tomorrow I will go back to work for the first time in what seems like a very long time. I am excited though. I planned a fit event for my girls next week, where some vendors are going to come in and give them tips on bra fittings and working with customers. I am excited for this, especially since I planned it. I am going to make rum cupcakes for it! I will share with yall how they go!

I also just booked my flight to Florida for my upcoming vacation! So I get to spend my 23^rd birthday with all my favorite people back home! It will be my one last hoorah before the crazy retail holiday season begins!

My loneliness has been hitting me more lately. After having everyone up here and having such a good time, then spending the day mostly alone in an airport, and now having the past two days off alone with old memories haunting me; I have definitely been going through many different emotions, having nothing to do but think. My HR manager was asking me if I wanted to move back to Florida when I get my new assignment in a few months. And while I absolutely do, I know I can’t. I can’t give up on myself like that. I feel like moving back, would just be giving up. Proving everyone right- that it was a stupid idea to move up here. And I refuse to. I know at some point I will probably move back, I want to raise my children around my family and what not. But for right now, I cannot give up. I will not give up. And I know I will be a better person because of it. I know it will make me a Big Girl J


Love always,

Elle

“You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” –Steve Jobs RIP

The past two weeks have been a complete blur! I guess I am getting use to my hectic schedule because my work days seem to be flying by; instead of counting the minutes before the end of the day. Or maybe this means I am truly beginning to learn everything I have to do, and thus have more things to add to my schedule. I think it is a mixture of both, and either way it is exciting!

This upcoming week is going to be filled with even more craziness! On Thursday we have the entire corporate team coming to our store! I cannot wait to be a part of it (I have a very professional outfit ready!) Then next Tuesday, a week from today, I am being flown to Miami for the DAY! How crazy is that! No big deal, we’ll just fly you across the country for the day…

In my previous post I expressed my anxiety with being “in-charge”. I have since found it much easier than I thought. All of my people have actually responded really well to me and are great to work with! I am happy about the relationships I am making with them and the progress that has been made in my Intimate Apparel department! I guess I need to give people a little more credit and stop expecting the worst. “I will always be the girl who thinks no one will show up to her party,” –Rachel Zoe. That is so entirely me though, and probably always will be.

While being a Big Girl has its advantages, I feel recently the disadvantages keep hitting me in the face. It is nice to have a big fat paycheck, and makes it hurt that much more watching it all diminish before my eyes! I just had to enroll for my health benefits- it feels so weird to be on my own plan by myself now (HOW ADULT of me!) Not to mention the chunk it takes out each week. Furthermore, my 6-month grace period for my student loans is up at the end of this month. That’s another 10k out of my pocket. I am starting to miss college.

On a more upbeat note, Camo man and my pretty friends are coming up to Raleigh this weekend! I have the weekend off and we are filling it with all sorts of fun fall festivities (try to say that 5 times fast). One of the things on the schedule I am excited about is going to a haunted corn maze- how North Carolinian of me right? Corn does not exactly grow well in Florida! Not to mention getting to watch my SEMINOLES play! I have been setting up my house and getting everything ready for them to come! I feel so Betty Crocker.

Also today I finalized my vacation. I get 9 entire days off for my birthday and I am flying home to FLORIDA! I am very excited about this! I am so lucky to have such a wonderful job straight out of college. I have been there less than 2 months and I have 2 weeks of  vacation to take! Not to mention full benefits. I know I am truly blessed to have this opportunity and am so appreciative of it.

I have been thinking a lot about my future; with my career, with my life, with everything. I have big plans and big dreams! It is nice to feel them all beginning to come true. And that is exactly what this moment is: THE BEGINNING.

I have always been the kind of person who is always looking to the next step. Always wants more.

But I think for right now, I just need to stop and enjoy the beautiful life.

My beautiful life.

Love always,

Elle