What do you want to be FAMOUS for??

So last week the Big Red Box swept me away to Miami for the week for training. I found out today I will be returning in three weeks for more. A perk of big corporate companies is they don’t mind flying you all over the place all the time. It was a great week; and it was even greater to be back in my home state!

At the training I met a bunch of other people throughout the states who are going through the same program I am. To me that was the best part; it made me feel less crazy and less like something is wrong with me for questioning myself so much.

At the training we spent a lot of time on how to work with people- which I now have to go implement my new managerial and leadership skills with the people who work in my department. To me this is the hardest (and most important) part of my job. I have a hard time giving criticism, despite how constructive, to others in the work place. I think the problem is I take everything personal, so I just assume everyone else does too. Especially when every single one of the people in my department are at least ten years my elder. I am really trying to find my own way of being assertive, without coming off as some smartass know-it-all college grad.

Today, I went to some of our main offices here in The City of Oaks to meet with some of the big wigs! I always find this very inspiring. I find it especially inspiring that my store manager, district vice president, and regional vice president are all women. I am so glad I am growing up in an era where women can be so powerful and am thankful for those you fought to break down those barriers so that I never have to experience them. Talking to such powerful women always empowers me and gives me a confidence jolt. I think anyone could take a note to have people like that be a part of their careers.

On a more personal note, I feel like I am truly beginning to find myself. I always found that phrase so odd; how could you not know yourself? But now, I see myself changing in many ways. It is all a very weird thing for me. I find the best way to describe this change is through small examples- things like how I now spend my nights watching Jeopardy. Or actively cooking healthy dinners for myself instead of going to Taco Bell three times a day.

 I have suddenly become much more health conscious- both on a personal level and a global level. While I do tend to go through a healthy/I am going to lose weight phase every few months- this feels different. I am currently working on getting the mall I work in to start a recycling program (isn’t it ridiculous that such a giant place does not have one already?) I would have never really given much thought to that before. I almost feel like I am reverting back to my high school hippie self (minus skipping school to smoke pot in the alley.) My personal style is changing too, but I feel this is becoming much more internal than that. Living alone, and being in this big new (wonderful) city all alone, certainly strips away all the outside “peer pressures” (I hate that term, but it is effective.) I have had a lot of time, mostly unknowingly so, to self-reflect. I find I am becoming much more self-aware (which my district HR manager affirmed today, as well) and I like what I am seeing.

Maybe it will fade, or maybe this is who I was always meant to be.

Maybe this is what being a Big Girl is all about.

Love always,

Elle

The distance is but a map, and our hearts lead the way.

So tomorrow marks my two week anniversary of working at The Big Red Box. I still have yet to get my feet planted and take time to stop and enjoy the scenery (although I am enjoying my discount).  Everything happens so fast. They already send me out on the floor alone, putting me in charge of everything happening at the store! It has very much been a learning by trial and error time for me, and yet I feel like I am prevailing at it. I love the fast pace intensity of it. And the feeling of power gained by controlling a 20 million dollar door is quite enticing, I must admit.

Next Monday I am jet-setting off to Miami for a week. I am very excited about the change of pace, yet I know all it will do is rub in my face the fact that I am not a Floridian on the beach anymore.

On a more personal note, I do feel like I am beginning to settle into Raleigh. I am slowly figuring my way around, and using GPS less and less. It is really a great city; the perfect mix of a big city (less being scared for your life walking around) and a southern town. Not mention is it beautiful!

This weekend my Camo Man came up and it was wonderful! We went on pedal boats in Bond Lake and I finally got to reenact the Ten-Things-I-Hate-About-You moment I have been dreaming of since the 90’s. Then we went to a music festival downtown called Hopscotch. I felt like I was a part of a movie sitting at an outside table at this yuppie bar, drinking a Strongbow (how English of me) and listening to indie music with thousands of my closest Trianglers. The fest brought out such an alive, young and alternative crowd. Like I said- the perfect city. If I end up staying in Raleigh long, I have already picked out my chic downtown condo overlooking Nash Square. I will be that girl walking down the street in her killer MK jacket and stiletto boots going to the grocery store, because downtown people are too cool to drive.

Furthermore, I have started trying to better myself by doing this like eating non-fat yogurt, drinking white tea every morning and burning my beloved scented candles more. Hopefully these things will lead to me doing more things, like enjoying jogging, or waking up before noon on my days off. Being alone leaves lots of time for self improvement. I have also decided to start a black-and-white romance and am beginning to write love letters, REAL letters, with a pen and paper, written by hand, to Camo Man. You can just call me Scarlett O’Hara. I believe there is something to be said about the lost art of pen pal lovers.

On a downside, I did throw a fast-ball cell phone at the wall this afternoon in a fit of frustration, and am now stuck with an old sidekick from high school I found in my closet. Four buttons are missing and it has to be connected to the charger to stay alive; much less can I check my email, blog, facebook, GPS or anything else that needs an internet connection. I will be stuck in 2004 approximately until Tuesday when my new touch screen arrives.

This is my life as is it today. In this very moment.
It changes every moment.

Some people may label me an adult now. Sometimes I like to fancy the idea of being a big girl myself. But at heart, I will always be just ME. Every age, every thought, every person. I am in you, and you are in me too.

Love Always,

Elle

"She took the leap & built her wings on the way down"

I finally started my dream job. I feel like I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. All of my hard work, all of my life, has accumulated to this point. This is what everyone works for; this is what everyone wants. We go to school for 17 years (I personally went for 19 since I started school when I was three years old attending two different pre-ks because I wanted to go to school so badly)- and this is it. THIS IS IT! This is the start of my life.

So far everything has been such a whirl wind I have not even had time to stop and catch my breath. My first day was filled with meetings with the “big wigs,” as they called them in the offices, on conference calls from New York and live meetings with other very important people, all of which I found extremely inspiring; especially the fact that my mentor, my store manager and the vice president of the entire district are all powerful women! Everyone has been so incredibly welcoming, I feel like I’m walking into a giant family.

Then on my second day of the job they sent me off two hours away to a huge rally celebrating the stores and preparing for the holiday season. I met executives from stores all over the south at a day filled with cheers (I literally had to get onstage and do a cheer…), charities (everyone donated money to wear jeans instead of business wear and we rose over $500 for United Way) and many many inspiring messages. It almost made me feel like I was back home with my sorority sisters, who I miss dearly, tons of energy doing cheers and skits and philanthropies.

I am living my dream, and as much as I love it, it is absolutely terrifying. I’m so scared of screwing things up, after I have come so far. For a girl who is use to rolling out of bed, putting on running shorts and pulling her hair into a ponytail to go work at a gym, waking up hours before work to make myself look presentable and be the fashion-forward charismatic girl I want to be, is incredibly exhausting.

The beloved Carrie Bradshaw said it best with “I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.” That fits me to a T. I just hope I can keep up the image I have started and do not get too lazy.

I am excited to get to the point where I can finally feel like I am no longer being interviewed with every action and interaction, and that I actually deserve to be there. I think that is when I will really start to find myself and truly shine like the star I am. Granted, it has only been three days. J

More to come…

Love Always,

Elle